Alterous attraction is a form of deep affection that doesn’t fit strictly into platonic or romantic categories. It represents a “middle ground” between friendship and romance, where someone feels deeply connected to another person without labeling it as strictly romantic or platonic. Alterous attraction allows people to form meaningful, intense relationships based on admiration, support, and emotional closeness, which don’t align with traditional definitions of love or friendship. This attraction suits those who don’t feel comfortable calling their connection either friendship or romance but still value its depth and importance. Alterous attraction gives people the flexibility to enjoy close bonds that are deeply fulfilling and uniquely personal.
Jamie has a close friend named Taylor with whom they feel a deep connection, but they wouldn’t label it romantic or platonic. They love spending time together, confiding in one another, and sharing experiences, yet it doesn’t feel right to call it friendship or romance. They call this bond alterous attraction because it captures the unique space between romance and friendship. One evening, Jamie and Taylor had a long conversation about their lives, dreams, and fears. Jamie felt a surge of connection and admiration that didn’t feel like friendship or romantic love but something in between. This intense connection is alterous, allowing Jamie to express deep care and attachment for Taylor in a way that feels natural. Jamie feels lucky to have a relationship where they can be vulnerable and close without needing traditional labels. Alterous attraction gives Jamie the freedom to cherish this bond without defining it as “just” friends or as a romantic relationship, allowing them to enjoy the flexibility and uniqueness of their connection.
For some, alterous attraction might feel like a desire for closeness that’s beyond friendship but not as intense as romantic attraction. Others might see it as a connection that falls somewhere between romance and friendship or as a feeling that may look romantic but isn’t. This variation means that each person experiences alterous attraction in their own way.
A person’s pattern of alterous attraction toward certain genders can shape their “alterous orientation,” with labels like “heteroalterous” or “bialterous” describing this kind of attraction. People who often experience alterous attraction might identify as alloalterous, while those who rarely feel it could be analterous, a-alterous, or nonalterous. An intense alterous desire for another can sometimes be called a “mesh.”
History and Criticism
The term “alterous” first appeared around 2015, originating as a way to express feelings that didn’t fit into existing labels. However, it has faced some criticism. Some argue that it could imply that platonic relationships lack depth, or that it might not be necessary to define a separate attraction between platonic and romantic feelings. Others suggest that it may overlap too closely with queerplatonic attraction, with different terms ultimately expressing similar experiences.
Sources
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- Alterous Albatross. “I noticed that there is so far not a flag for the alterous community,” Tumblr, January 27, 2016. Link
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- Strange-Nameless-Creature. “On Alterous Attraction,” Tumblr, accessed on February 22, 2016.
- VESPER H. “Usage of “alterous” vs “platonic” in aro discourse,” Queer As Cat, February 22, 2016. Link
- Anonymous. “Difference between queerplatonic and alterous attraction?” Reddit, September 28, 2021. Link
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- Yee, Danny. Love and Limerence: The Experience of Being in Love, Danny Yee’s Book Reviews, 1999. Link
Source
https://new.lgbtqia.wiki/wiki/alterous_attraction_and_orientation