Demisensual refers to individuals who only experience sensual attraction after forming a deep emotional bond. Sensual attraction includes the desire for physical closeness and touch, such as hugging, holding hands, or cuddling, without necessarily being romantic or sexual. For demisensual people, casual touch or physical affection might feel uncomfortable or unwelcome until they feel emotionally connected to the other person. This orientation lies within the demi- spectrum, emphasizing that physical attraction depends on established emotional trust and familiarity.
Jamie always felt different when friends expressed how comforting it was to hug or touch casually. For Jamie, touch was something sacred, reserved for those they truly trusted. While many people shared spontaneous hugs, Jamie found themselves stepping back, even with people they liked. It wasn’t until Jamie became close with Taylor, a friend they met during university, that they felt differently. After months of shared late-night talks, study sessions, and mutual support, Jamie noticed they wanted to hold Taylor’s hand during a movie. The desire surprised them, as it was unlike anything they’d felt before. Learning about demisensual orientation brought clarity. “This explains why I only feel comfortable with physical closeness when I deeply care about someone,” Jamie realized. One afternoon, Jamie shared their realization with Taylor, saying, “I’m demisensual, which means I need to know someone really well before I feel comfortable with touch.” Taylor nodded, understanding, and appreciated Jamie’s honesty. This conversation deepened their bond and helped Jamie feel secure in setting boundaries without guilt or pressure. Embracing the term demisensual allowed Jamie to feel validated in their approach to affection, making their interactions more meaningful and aligned with who they were. This newfound understanding not only empowered Jamie to communicate their needs clearly but also helped them build deeper, more intentional connections.