Nonamorous or nonamory is a relationship orientation indicating that an individual does not desire intimate, long-term, committed partnerships. This can apply to various types of relationships, including romantic, sexual, queerplatonic, or platonic life-partners. Nonamorous individuals may prefer to focus on connections with friends or family, or they may choose to live a solitary life. Their lives are often enriched by other fulfilling activities such as hobbies, career pursuits, the arts, traveling, spirituality, social activism, or lifelong learning. While some nonamorous individuals may be sexually active, others might not engage in sexual activities at all.
Miguel always knew he didn’t share the same dreams as his friends when it came to relationships. While everyone around him seemed focused on finding “the one” and settling down, Miguel felt content with his network of close friends, a supportive family, and his love for travel and art. Whenever someone asked, “Don’t you want a partner?” he would smile and shake his head, not quite understanding the appeal. It wasn’t until he came across the term nonamorous in an article that he realized there was a word for how he felt. One evening, Miguel explained to his best friend, Sara, “I’m nonamorous. It means I’m not looking for committed relationships like most people do.” Sara nodded thoughtfully, seeing how happy Miguel was with his independent lifestyle. Understanding his orientation allowed Miguel to navigate life without the pressure to conform to conventional relationship expectations. He focused on what brought him joy; exploring new cities, creating art, and volunteering at local charities. Embracing his nonamorous identity gave him a sense of peace and freedom, allowing him to build a life filled with purpose and meaningful connections without needing a traditional partnership.
Nonamory is a chosen lifestyle where an individual may opt out of romantic relationships, akin to how someone might choose celibacy concerning sexual relationships. An alloromantic individual can decide to live as nonamorous, just as an allosexual person may choose celibacy. However, nonamory is more frequently associated with aromantic and aro-spectrum individuals.
History
The term “nonamorous” was first coined by Tumblr user Anagnori on December 1, 2013, originating from a discussion between them and another user, Uselessladders. On December 27, 2018, Tumblr user ndnhawks suggested that “nonamorous” might need an alternative term, as it implied that individuals who are not nonamorous would be “amorous,” a word typically used for romantic or sexual relationships. This suggestion sparked discomfort among members of the community who felt this label misrepresented them.
Attempts to find a suitable replacement for “nonamorous” were met with similar criticisms, frustrating the community due to the perceived lack of an appropriate label. In response, user Arotaro humorously replaced mentions of “nonamorous” with a self-introduction monologue from the character Greed in Fullmetal Alchemist, emphasizing that language is inherently arbitrary and expressing the exasperation of label-seeking. The monologue reads: “I’m Greed. I want everything you can think of: money and women, power and sex, status, glory, I demand the finer things. And of course, I crave eternal life.”
Ultimately, due to disagreements and the ensuing discourse, ndnhawks retracted their original statement, and the debate gradually subsided.
Sources
- Showier Data. “Nonamorous Flag Design 2.” Coins, Link.
- Anagnori. “Nonamory.” Tumblr, 1 Dec, 2013. Link. Archived on 19 Mar, 2015.
- Anagnori. “Adding to the Aromantic/Asexual Conversation.” Tumblr, Link. Archived on 16 Dec, 2018.
- Arotaro. “I’ve Decided From Now On…” Tumblr, Link.
- Beyond-Mogai-Pride-Flags. “Problems with the Term Nonamorous.” Tumblr, Link.
- Enbygsrd. “Nonamory Pride Flag Proposal.” DeviantArt, Link.
- FlippingPancake. “Nonamory Flag Variations.” Tumblr, Link.
- Ndnhawks. “Aroatem Heyo Aros.” Tumblr, 27 Dec, 2018. Link. Archived on 27 Jun, 2023.
- Ndnhawks. “Contention Over Nonamorous.” Tumblr, Link. Archived on 27 Jun, 2023.
- Pride-Color-Schemes. “Nonamory.” Tumblr, Link.
- Showier Data. “Nonamorous Flag Design 1.” Coins, Link.